


Basic Principles of Con-going

by alpheratz



Category: Community
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-20
Updated: 2012-12-20
Packaged: 2017-11-21 17:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/600481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpheratz/pseuds/alpheratz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spacetime One sold out months ago, but Annie's got an in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Basic Principles of Con-going

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ellen_fremedon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellen_fremedon/gifts).



"Troy and Abed giving preeeeeeeeeeesents!" 

"But Timespace One sold out months ago." Annie blinked at Troy and Abed, who were beaming and holding up a framed email confirmation.

"Lucky for you," said Troy, as Abed handed her the email confirmation and shook her hand, "we registered you the day tickets went on sale. Consider this a birthday present."

"From both of us," said Abed and took his hand away.

"Aw, I don't know what to say, you guys!" Annie held up the confirmation to her face and admired it. They had used the one library printer that printed in color and wasn't very fuzzy.

"I usually say 'thank you,'" Shirley said helpfully.

"Thank you!" said Annie. "Ooh, now I get to put together a costume! Who wants to help me shop this weekend?"

"Ooh, I do!" said Britta. "There's this shop that sells the cutest animal costumes. You could go as that lizard monster the Inspector fought that one time. I saw a Youtube clip of it."

"That was a Gorn from Star Trek," said Abed, "and he was fighting Captain Kirk."

"I don't think so," said Britta. "It looked like Inspector Spacetime. Lots of pecs." 

"That was definitely Star Trek," said Troy, nodding sagely. "The Inspector's never gone shirtless on the show. Even though he has a great man chest."

"Not the Fifth Inspector," said Abed.

"Oh yeah," said Troy. "Definitely not him."

Annie tilted her head. "That's a nice costume idea, Britta," she said. "But I was thinking about something a little more me."

"You're not going to dress up as one of those young ladies in the comic books that dress like ladies of easy virtue, are you, Annie?" asked Shirley, furrowing her brow.

"Shirley makes a good point," agreed Britta. "You don't want to do that, Annie."

"I agree," said Abed. "It's not a comics convention. She should dress like an Inspector. At the very least a Constable."

"That's not what I meant, Abed," said Britta patiently. "I meant that it's not feminist." 

"You're talking about Annie's boobs, right?" asked Troy. "I'll help you shop, Annie."

Annie crossed her arms on her chest. "I think I'm good, you guys, thanks."

She had an idea anyway. It would be awesome. 

* * *

"Dibs on the window bed," Annie yelled when the keycard finally worked and let them in.

"That's cool," said Troy. "I like sleeping away from the window."

"He likes to be enclosed," Abed explained.

"The window could break," said Troy defensively.

Annie nodded sympathetically and opened her suitcase. Feathers gently rose up into the air and she brushed them aside and took out her costume. "Do I change into my outfit now?"

"Yes," said Troy. He sat down on the bed and waited. 

Annie smiled happily and threw her arms around him. "I'm so excited. I hope someone signs my DVDs."

Abed tilted his head. "Inferior to tie-in novels, but acceptable."

Annie beamed and swung into the bathroom, her costume clutched to her chest. 

When she came out, Troy and Abed were watching Nickelodeon.

"What is that?" asked Abed, looking her up and down.

Annie looked down at herself in confusion. The feathers swung up and down and back and forth with a soft sigh. "That's… my outfit. You don't like it? I bought a sack of those at Dollar Tree and superglued them on."

"It doesn't look like any Constable's outfit."

"Abed," said Troy, stroking his arm gently. "She hasn't seen that much Inspector Spacetime, you know that."

Abed nodded. "Of course."

"Is it okay?" said Annie only half-uncertainly. The other half was bouncing back and forth on her heels in excitement. And jiggling. She stuck her thumbs into the neckline and pulled it up. "I didn't do any specific character. I just googled cosplay."

"It's fine," said Abed. Troy didn't say anything, because he was distracted. 

Annie smiled smugly and tucked the con schedule into her top. "Everyone's going to be so jealous."

Troy and Abed looked at each other. "Troy and Abed going conning!"

* * *

"Something's wrong," said Abed later that day when they were all standing in the signing line. 

"Yeah," said Troy nervously. "I can't decide which book to ask George Takei to sign. _The Time Hole_ or _The Hole in Space_?"

"Nice," said Abed, not listening. Up ahead, George Takei was signing something for a girl in a bright blue dress with squares on it. "That webseries was pretty obscure."

"Well, which one do you like more?" asked Annie, tugging her feathers out of the straps of her backpack and looking around the hall. There was a faint humming noise and it smelled slightly of fried fish, which was weird because the only food she'd seen all day was granola bars. 

"I don't know," Troy said, his voice going high-pitched and anxious. "What if I say one but he likes the other more?"

Annie thought about it. "Well... what would happen then?"

"He would hate me forever," said Troy. "And despise me. And take away my books."

"The Inspector does not hate or despise, Troy," said Abed, tuning into the conversation. "He simply pities and corrects." He looked around the convention hall too. "Sometimes he has to kill you. But that's not what I was talking about."

Troy's eyes filled with terror and Annie quickly patted him on the shoulder. Her feathers waved, tickling her arms. "Troy, George Takei is an actor. He's not the real Inspector."

Troy looked betrayed and sat down in the line, jostling a Blorgon cosplayer and settling off a storm of lights and sirens. "Sorry, dude," the cosplayer said in a mechanical voice and groped around inside a hidden control panel. "Fuck, this is murder on my boobs. ERADICATE." She hit the voicebox on her chest with her palm. "What the hell was that?"

Troy jumped back up, giving the cosplayer a charming smile, and Annie rolled her eyes and turned away. They were almost at the front of the line. She could nearly hear George Takei's voice over the staticky humming in the hall, which grew louder and louder. Her phone was vibrating somewhere inside her feathers too, not in any of her preset patterns.

"Weird," she said, looking at Abed to see what he thought.

Abed's forehead was creased. "The mechanical devices are going haywire. I think this might be build-up." 

"Build-up to what?" Annie asked.

Abed lifted his chin and looked to the horizon, if it were possible for a horizon to exist in an enclosed space. "The conflict."

There were screams and a flash of light. Annie gasped. A gust of wind seemingly out of nowhere blew her hair and feathers back, and she had to brace herself to keep her ground.

"More specifically, an action sequence," Abed yelled, grabbing her and Troy's hands and pulling them out of the line. Annie hiked up her top with her free hand and sprinted with them, skirting the signing table, above which George Takei was hovering in a column of silver light.

"Shit just got sci-fi," said Troy, turning in profile.

"I don't even have a gun," Annie yelled over the panicked screaming of the con-goers. "How am I supposed to be the badass chick now? And what the hell is going on?"

"Here," Troy shouted and threw her a gun. "This will require teamwork."

"Oh my god, Troy, that's a real gun!" Annie dived behind an overturned table and stared at the gun in horror. "Where did it even come from?"

"It is _not_ real," said Troy indignantly, panting and looking around the edge of the table.

"It doesn't look like a real gun," said Abed. "Annie, try it."

"Abed! That's a terrible idea."

Abed took the gun and pointed it at the floor. "We need to be sure of the resources we have. That always gets people into trouble."

"Do you remember what happened the last time I shot a gun?" yelled Annie. "It wasn't pretty. And how do you even know we're the group of plucky survivors? We could be the guys who die first!"

Abed shrugged and pulled the trigger. The gun went off smoothly, blasting a silent, serene blue beam into the floor. They all stared at the cracked icy surface of ex-linoleum.

"So where did you say you got it, Troy?" asked Annie, staring at the floor.

"I took it off that guy over there. The stormtrooper."

"What stormtrooper?" asked Abed.

Annie peeked out over the top of the table and froze. "This may not be an action sequence, actually," she said.

Abed popped up and took in the scene. "It's really quieted down."

Troy stood up and Annie and Abed followed. It had quieted down. The column of silver light was still there in the middle of the signing table, the only vertical thing in the convention hall aside from the three of them.

Annie looked around at the still, slumped-over bodies around them. "I don't think they're dead." They looked like they were breathing. Her hospital management textbooks indicated that was a good sign.

"That's promising," said Abed. He seemed to be waiting for something. There was a crackle in the air not unlike anticipation.

"It feels like that thing in Christmas movies," said Troy.

"Anticipation?" asked Annie.

"Yeah!" Troy frowned. "It's kind of hard to recognize when you don't have practice."

"I think it's more like dramatic tension," Abed said. "We should find who the gun belongs to. If we find the gunman, we find the culprit."

He strode off with confidence in his step. Annie jogged after him. "It's not technically a gunman if he didn't fire the gun," she pointed out.

Abed shrugged. "This thing probably has multiple settings. Something has to have caused that flash of light."

"Okay, please don't try to make another one of those tractor beam things, or it's not just Mr. Takei that'll be hanging in the air," said Troy.

"Maybe it has a safety," said Abed, intently studying the buttons on the gun.

"Okay!" Annie interrupted, putting her hand over Abed's. "Let's find out where the source of this is coming from. Do you hear any more of that humming?"

She bit her lip and strained to hear it. There was humming coming from the beam, but there was another, fainter noise hiding under the obvious one, and it was coming from...

"There!" Annie said triumphantly. "It's coming from between those booths."

"Okay," said Troy. "Shh. Let's go."

Troy crept towards the booths, waving Annie and Abed after him, and they followed, their boots quietly smacking against the floor.

"Crap!" Annie hissed, tripping over a redshirt and landing on her knees with a painful echoing thud.

"Come on," Abed whispered back. "There's no time!"

Annie glared and picked herself up, looking around herself. They weren't that far from the signing table still, and she'd trailed feathers the entire way.

"Um..." she said. "Abed? Troy?"

"Oh my god," said Troy. "They're on fire!"

"That's not fire," said Abed.

The feathers lit up with the silver light of the tractor beam like a fuse, one by one.

"They're not even connected!" yelled Annie, clutching Troy and Abed's hands. "What the hell is that?" 

The light flashed and everything went silver. 

When Annie woke up, she was hovering in a silver beam above the table and her head hurt.

"Greetings, Earthling," boomed a deep voice.

"That's a little cliché," came Abed's voice to Annie's right.

Annie sighed with relief. At least Abed was all right and looked around for the source of the voice. Everything looked silver from the inside of the beam. She could see everything inside the beam clearly, though, and the hovering was a pleasant, languid sensation, like slowly waking up in a warm bed. Her feathers hovered around her, which meant that…

"Oh," she squeaked quietly.

"Not that a good cliché can't be satisfying sometimes," Abed mused as Annie attempted to pull down her skirt.

"Ugh," Troy groaned from her left. "What happened?"

"We appear to be held hostage by someone who's claiming to be from another planet."

"I'm not claiming anything," said the deep voice. "I just called you an earthling."

"I guess you could be an earthling too," said Abed contemplatively. "But I think your implication was clear."

Annie rolled her eyes. "Okay," she yelled. "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Annie," said the voice. "Annie, Annie, Annie."

Annie made a face. "What?"

The beams let go and Annie crashed to the table, Troy and Abed following an instant later.

"Ow," said Annie, getting her feet out from under her and rubbing her ankles over her boots. They didn't hurt that much. "What was that for?"

"Simply a cunning plan," said the voice. "A very cunning plan."

"Don't oversell it," spat Troy. "And where's Mr. Takei?"

"He is no longer necessary. He was but a means to an end."

"How can you _say_ that?" Troy yelled with tears in his voice. "You're a monster."

"It's okay, Troy," said Annie and put her hand on Troy's shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine."

"Show yourself," said Abed in a steely voice. Annie was impressed.

"Very well," the voice said.

The air in front of them rippled and parted, and a figure in a stormtrooper outfit stepped out and took off its helmet.

Annie gasped. "Troy!"

"Evil Troy," said Abed, his eyes trained on the owner of the voice. He did, in fact, look precisely like Troy, with the exception of a wispy goatee on his chin. "I knew you weren't an alien."

"Oh my god," said Troy in horror. "I can't grow facial hair. Who _are_ you?"

"I'm you. A more successful, manly you," said Evil Troy. "That's why I have to take your place."

"That's a horrible thing to say," said Annie hotly. "Troy, that's not true."

"It is true," said a second voice, and a second Abed stepped through the curtain of air. "You are all weak."

"Abed!" beamed Evil Troy, and they slapped hands. "You made it."

"No," whispered Abed. "You'd left."

"Not for long," said Evil Troy, stroking his chin. "Not for long."

"That's not a thing villains say," said Annie, scrambling to her feet and adjusting her costume. "You can't just say anything you want in that tone and have it sound portentous."

"Oh really?" said Evil Troy, pitching his voice low.

"You're doing it again," said Annie, setting her jaw. "What do you want?"

"So many things," said a third voice.

Annie gasped. "Evil Annie!"

"Crap," said Troy. "She doesn't have a goatee. How are we going to tell them apart?"

"For one thing, I'm not wearing tacky feathers," said Evil Annie. 

Annie gasped again. "It's _cosplay_! At least I'm not wearing a latex catsuit."

"I was trying to fit in at this stupid nerd convention," Evil Annie shot back. "Also, it's really comfortable."

Abed held up his hands in a gesture of peace. "Maybe we should discuss this in private."

Evil Abed looked around. "There's no one here."

Annie frowned. "There are all these people."

"They're unconscious and thus irrelevant," said Evil Abed. "What does it matter if we talk here?"

"Thanks for never speaking like a bad movie villain," Annie told Abed.

"You're welcome." Abed gave Annie a little smile. Turning to Evil Abed, he said, "We don't have to be enemies."

"Wait, no, we totally do!" Annie narrowed her eyes at Evil Abed, Troy, and Annie. "Can we get back to the subject of George Takei and how they _kidnapped_ him for their nefarious ends? How could you do that? He didn't even get around to signing our stuff!"

"Yeah!" said Troy. "How _could_ you? Do you even know how great George Takei is?"

Evil Abed steepled his fingers and paced back and forth. "I thought so once, Troy. I thought so before that fateful day when our lives were destroyed. But now I know that there is nothing that great in this world. There is no artistic merit in anything but the darkest and edgiest of things. I wish your mind could understand this."

"I'm not stupid. I understand," Troy protested.

"Troy!" Annie exclaimed. "He's wrong. You don't believe that."

"Right, I don't," said Troy, frowning. "Stop trying to confuse me!"

"Troy, Troy, Troy," said Evil Annie. "Do you think we haven't gone round and round about this? We've practically held _summits_ on the pros and cons of invading your world and destroying all that is good in it to make you understand. I took _minutes_ of those meetings, Troy. Hours and hours of minutes, and let me tell you, you don't know how much hand cramps can make you hate everything." She glared at everyone around her, red and almost disheveled. "I wore out two stress balls, and then there was an alien lizard invasion and the military requisitioned the world supply of silicone and you couldn't buy a stress ball anywhere, and that... That's how I knew that Abed and Troy were right. There is no happiness in the world. There is only hate."

Annie bit her lip. "If it's just about stress balls, there are some really cute ones in that booth over there..."

"It's not just that," Annie snapped. "Once you're used to everything being shit, Annie, you can never go back."

"Well," Annie said, softening. "Maybe you guys just need to remember that non-edgy stuff can be fun too! And some things that are fun can also be edgy! George Takei was in Star Trek and, um, that other thing--"

"Lots of other things, actually," said Abed.

" _Lots_ of other things! Maybe you just need to be reminded!"

"I'm in," said Evil Troy. "I miss Star Trek."

"That's ridiculous," said Evil Annie.

"No," said Evil Abed. "Are you proposing a bargain? If you're wrong about this, you'll let us invade unimpeded."

"What happened to you?" said Troy with sadness in his face. "Unimpeded? You never used to say things like that."

"Troy's right," said Evil Troy. "Come on, let's watch some Star Trek."

"Hang on," said Troy. "If you end up having fun, you have to release Mr. Takei."

"And end your attempts to infiltrate this universe!" Annie cut in, elbowing Troy.

"Oh yeah," said Troy. "That too."

"Fine," said Evil Abed. "Lead on."

Housekeeping had been through since they left the room in the morning, so ahe beds were neat despite the clothes strewn all around the room. Troy hurried into the room, elbowing Abed and Annie aside and glancing at Evil Annie over his shoulder.

Annie pulled up her slipping top and wriggled. "You guys can just sit on Troy and Abed's bed, I guess," she told the other Abed, Troy, and Annie ,and sat down cross-legged on her own bed, smoothing down her feathers.

"Cool," said Evil Troy and crawled onto the bed to fluff up the pillows and settle in. "Coming?"

Evil Abed and Evil Annie shrugged at each other and got on the bed next to him.

Abed clapped his hands for attention. "We're going to watch a season one episode of _Psych_ guest starring George Takei. In this episode, much like here today, George Takei attended a convention."

"And was awesome," said Troy, holding up the DVD case with a big smile.

"Will you do the honors?" asked Abed.

"Certainly."

Annie beamed as Troy popped in the DVD. "This episode is great," she told, shooting Evil Annie a smile. "Troy and Abed made me watch it in preparation for this con."

"I wish we had conventions," Annie said wistfully. "Or Inspector Spacetime. I saw some of those little toys they sold in the booths before we had to knock them over. They were so cute."

Annie widened her eyes. "Aw! I bought a bunch of things. They're all in my bag o' swag! We could share."

Evil Annie crossed her arms. "Just start the DVD."

Troy hit play and threw himself onto the bed, bouncing Annie. 

"Hold on," Annie said, scrambling for her bag. "My giant stuffed Blorgon!" she announced, holding up her giant stuffed Blorgon. "Extra-cuddly! Any takers?"

Evil Annie, Troy, and Abed looked at the Blorgon. Annie thought she detected a trace of wistfulness in their eyes, but they said nothing. 

Annie shrugged and cuddled the Blorgon while George Takei was awesome onscreen. "Well?" she asked when the episode was done, sitting up on her knees and looking at their doubles sharply. 

"I cannot lie," said Evil Troy. "It was-- ow." 

"Shut up," hissed Evil Annie, elbowing Evil Troy in the ribs. "Abed, you're not going to say you liked that, are you?" 

Evil Abed was quiet for a moment. "This isn't something you can lie about, Annie." 

Evil Annie pouted. "Fine. But I have another condition." 

"Like what?" asked Abed. "Are you altering the deal?" 

"No!" Evil Annie exclaimed. "Not like that. I want that cuddly Blorgon. I just..." She brushed a tear off her cheek. "This is stupid. I don't want to go back to my timeline and be evil. Sure, I have a closet of latex catsuits and no one looks at me twice for wearing them, but there's more to life than looking badass." 

Evil Troy rubbed her back and gave her a tissue. She blew her nose. "I'm tired of living in an underground pillow fort under Greendale, eating rations and roasting runaway lab rats. Do you know how often we get scurvy?" She glared at Annie. "Often. It's often."

"Well," said Annie, edging a little closer to her. "You could stay here. Enroll at Greendale. Get that degree in hospital management you wanted. Or, um..." she said when Evil Annie glared. "Martial arts?" 

"And that's another thing," Evil Annie exclaimed. "People expect me to be good at martial arts. Just because I like wearing skintight black outfits doesn't mean I want to hover in the air or whatever."

"It sounds really unfair," said Annie soothingly, stroking Evil Annie's arm. "We could go to Target and buy you new clothes." 

"Okay," Evil Annie sniffed. "Fine." 

Abed clapped his hands. "Great! So you'll return everything back to normal, then."

"Oh right," said Evil Troy. "Abed, do you have the thing?"

Evil Abed nodded once. "I do." He extracted a small device with a single button from his pocket and pushed it. "There. Back to normal."

Troy looked at Abed. "Maybe we should go check." 

Evil Annie wiped her eyes. "I'll help. I want one of those toys. Can one of you guys spot me some cash, please?" 

"Sure," said Troy, fishing his wallet out of his pocket.

"Is there more of that Psych stuff on that disc?" asked Evil Troy, reaching for the remote. 

"Yep," said Abed and fistbumped Evil Troy. 

"Are we all going downstairs, then?" asked Annie. "I think I'm molting." She stood up, balancing on the bed in the middle of a circle of feathers. 

"You still look cute," said Evil Abed and offered her a hand. Annie gave him a little smile. "Come on."

The convention hall appeared to be the same as it was before anything happened. The Blorgon was still in line six people away from the signing table, at which George Takei held court like he'd only seen a tractor beam on TV.

"Why isn't anyone freaking out?" asked Annie.

"It's a time reset device," explained Evil Abed.

"Interesting," Abed said, getting in line behind Troy. "I thought we were in a season finale, but I think we're actually in sweeps."

Evil Annie wrinkled her forehead. "What do you mean?"

"It's shorter and we don't have to wait as long for the resolution," explained Abed. "And everything resets itself once the climax is over." 

Annie and Evil Annie shared a look. 

"Climax?" asked Troy. 

"The peak of the action." 

Troy frowned and opened his mouth.

"Okay!" Annie interrupted, clapping her hands. "Shall we get our stuff signed and go show Evil Ourselves the booths?"

"Sounds good," said Evil Annie with a big smile. 

Up ahead, George Takei smiled. The gun didn't go off in the last act. The future looked bright. 

"Abed, stop narrating," said Evil Annie.

"Sorry."

The End.


End file.
